100 days left

so i have 100 days left to save 5 thousand bucks. so for fun heres some stats so far since ive been keeping track of every penny.

starting out i had $700. from that i took out exactly enough quarters to get me to work and back from day one until april first. only work days are counted in that money. the $700 was the start of my savings that i was planning on dumping into an account to eventually put down on a brand new car in the next few years knowing my 2000 altima was going to die in a few years and that i needed to build credit. dont ever plan ahead, something will come up to fuck up your plans.

$8.25... someone has given me a ride to/from work 11 times. at .75 a bus ride, ive saved $8.25

$18.33... i budget out $25 a week out of each paycheck for fun. this is what i have saved from either not leaving the house, or just the change left over from going out. keep in mind im not missing out or anything, im having alot of fun, im relaxing, im going out and seeing my friends.

in just 18 days i saved 26.58 which dosent sound like alot, but it adds up fast.

using an app on my phone i keep track of all of this, to keep me going. it works well.
the app is a sort of electronic checkbook, i set my goal as my balance, and every time i put money away, i set it as an expense and label it. the result is a display of exactly how much i need to save, how much i have saved and what has contributed to this goal.

in the next 100 days i need to save $3,989.52 and ill get there. till then, im anxiously awaiting tax time, and my monthly $30 jason pays me (difference owed after my cell bill is paid to cover his rent)

ill update at the end of january.

once i had a car

cars and plows dont mix. i learned this the hard way. most of you who actually read this are on my facebook too so i wont waste time with details. this has been one clusterfuck of an adventure ill tell ya. stuck inside because of being with out a car is amazing fun. not to mention the blizzard we have going on here.
so ive been sitting around, researching cars and get rich quick schemes.
the whole thing had been up in the air. fix the pos car or rush into a new one.

as you all know i live for challenge. an adventure.

enter my plan. instead of being "poor" for about 3 years im gonna go with out a car for the winter, save the insurance money id spend, save the gas money, the hang out money that i burn through every time i see a tacco bell. save cans in the basement. try to have about 3k to dump on this new car.

jason wont be happy. but he can deal with it. hes too lazy to get his license and relies on me.

the hard part will be getting to derby, but the way thats working out i may just bail now and go back to fresh meat next year anyway. i could use the extra practice.

hopefully this works.

derby machines need bacon

so here i am, days from my skills test. a part of the breakfast club, the toughest, most determined ladies i have had the privilege to get to know. im nervous. ive worked so hard. the hardest part is getting 25 laps in 5 min. i accomplished this last night and was so excited. in fact, i did it twice. now hopefully ill be able to do it sunday.

its weird to me to find something that just clicks. i can do this. this is something that seems made for me. jason said im just naturally athletic, i dont see it. every time i come home from practice, hyper because ive done something better. i feel it. the click. its there, and im not gonna give up.

last night i had 4 laps to go, and i felt that snap. i sprinted. i skated hard. i felt like i was gonna throw up. i want this so bad i just went. i came in with 10 seconds to spare. i pushed through the wall that was being 2 or 3 laps off. and i did it. i better be able to sunday.

the prize at the end of this is a registered derby name and the ability to skate on the team. to be able to hit hard. to help assault city win. to be part of a team of girls who love me. its amazing. and im nervously awaiting the time to prove myself.

i will do this. ive worked too hard not to.

jaded

maybe its the fact that last year was so stress full that i cant find the ability to care about my once favorite time of year. i just dont care. last year halloween aparked the beginning of jason and my bad patch, one of the most painfull times in my life. there was a calm for a little after that month passed and then there was stress, tons of stress. walmart cut my hours bad. tax season came around and since i had survived i decided to spend all my tax return on killing my loan. my plan was to be debt free by september. i wanted to spend september to december saving $100 each check so id be ready for cuts, so i didnt have to just scrape by, i could still see movies, and do what i wanted, eat taco bell and not live like i only had 13 hours.

my computer crashed, i had to buy another, yet i still squashed that extra $800 by september.

now my car has broken every two weeks since then causing me to not be able to save.

im paranoid and scared shitless that ill struggle again. i cant survive the anxiety a second time.

i need to remember that he lives here now and will help me. that we are better than we were. i need to stop stressing out.





but i cant. im horrible at it. but ill try. tonight we are carving pumpkins with the people upstairs, then i might go trick or treating with them while jason hands out candy. i dont know. we are stuck in the house thanks to my car again. but having neighbors like ours is fun, it reminds me of how it was with sean and halie. we drink wine and listen to music. its alot of fun.

lacking spirit

a lot of bad shit has happened. stuff i dont want to talk about but feel the need to vent in some way so i post here blurry details. through all of this jason has been amazing so before anyone thinks its him, its not. shit has a tendency to hit the fan somewhere before or a little after my birthday and this year was no exception. what it took to fix it was not fun, and to be honest im not quite over it.
i cant get into halloween this year, it happened once before at the old apartment, but last year was awesome so i thought this year would be good too. i started my treat bags for the kids upstairs and the coworkers kids, my one nice thing i do to kids. but still, the decorations havent really gone up yet, still sitting in their bags in the living room.

i just cant get into it. and faking it is getting harder and harder.


so i skate. i kill some frustration with an hour of skating and i feel as happy as im gonna feel for the time being. i focus my energy on finding fun socks for derby, looking at wheels, and buying halloween candy.

roller derby is the only thing keeping me slightly happy but i cant help but think im just gonna walk away from it. im not as good as other girls, and i feel like im so awkward in my form and cant seem to get better no matter how hard i try. i try to remind myself that this is my "down" and it happens twice a year, and i cant help it.

but every day i wake up next to jason, he hugs me before i leave and tells me to have a good day at work and not to let people get to me. he cooks me dinner at night and we watch dexter and it is good.

idle blood

holy shit was this weekend worth the wait. we stayed at a hilton, granted it was a lesser of the hilton hotels, but by that i mean it was only slightly better than the 4 star hotel we stayed at for our 1 year =p. located in china town and directly next to the reading terminal market, it was perfect. the air smelled like noodles, there were cookies in the lobby, and we hit the market at least once or twice a day.
day one started later than i wanted, but with jason, thats always the case. we hit sonic on the way, drove through silly towns with silly names, and eventually got to phili. we checked in, went to see the market to get fed and went to see the liberty bell. when we got home this roller girl was able to take advantage of the hot tub the hotel had and relax my sore legs and feet which are nicely blistered thanks to practice. jason napped then we asked a friend where to eat since we were in china town. this led us to new harmony, a vegetarian place specializing in "duck", and it was amazing. so good. the duck was yummy, and they give you a hot towel and a fried banana at the end.

day two i woke up early for breakfast alone, to relax since jason tends to drive me crazy some times. i get all excited when i ask for tea and a waiter brings me a box to choose from, not a bag of lipton. i went back to the room, beat up jason till he woke up and we headed to the aquarium. i love aquariums and this one had places to touch sharks, star fish, rays and jelly fish. it was alot of fun, got to see a hippo, penguins and a hammer head shark. we then drove to the zoo, which is small, but the first zoo in the US and has quite alot of animals there, saw a baby giraffe, and an aardvark, as well as more penguins and hippos. we decided to go get lunch, and then hit up the concert.

katatonia was probably the best concert ive been too since NIN. we had meet and greet passes and the guys were really cool. they played everything i wanted to hear, and put on a great show. im listening to the videos on youtube now lol

next morning we got breakfast at the market and checked out of our hotel, but went directly to the big bus tour. a doubble bus that takes you on a tour of the city but will drop you off at attractions. we got dropped off at eastern state penitentiary. a cool creepy tour through an old jail that once housed al capone. after that tour we hopped back on the bus and hit up the mutter museum of medical odditys. totaly worth the $14 to see so many conjoined twins preserved and various other creepy fun stuff. i got all excited when i saw the lobotomy kit first thing in. on the way to the bus we saw a street cart which smelled amazing, we didnt know what it was, but we needed to eat it. it had a long line so it had to be good, we were right, it was a greek guy who made a plate of salad, with grilled chicken, falafel and flat bread, and gives you that and a peach for $10, seeing two of us, he asked if we were sharing and gave us extra bread and another peach which was awesome. the food was soooooooooooo good. i cant stress that enough. eat at the cart with the longest line, you will not be dissapointed. there is a reason he has a long line.

we got back on the bus, finished the tour then headed home. stopping at strong hearts for our own home town amazing food before we even stoped home.

amazing vacation, well worth the wait, and completly worth the stress of saving the money to pay for it.

waffles

derby has been fun. i helped out at the last home bout, it was crazy. we lost but it was alot of fun.
im getting better at T stops and am naturally good at laterals (SEAN- think carving on the long board but on skates, going from one side of the track to the other but fast)i think its my long legs.
we got our fresh meat names, our group is the breakfast club, and my name is waffles. i think its way better than the girl who got grits.

i havent had much time to post on this because jason has been home alot. he did how ever pick up a doubble today so is working till 1130 tonight and a full shift tomorow. im so proud.


just waiting on my indian food i ordered to be ready then off to get it then home for some snuggles and indian food. soooooo good.

as far as eating goes, i havent wanted to eat in a long time, just sleep so as soon as im hungry for something, i just get it, no questions asked. its kinda working well except ive been hung up on lunchables.

till the next time i get a free min,

~waffles

fresh meat

this past week has been insane. last monday jason and his mom fought and she kicked him out. i now have him.
sunday was first day of fresh meat training, its gonna be hard but worth it.

things are crazy, stressful and dont show signs of getting better yet. and yea its taking its toll on my body, ive been sick and over tired.

there have been some fun parts, jason cooking for me, and when i come home im greeted with "ikis likes metal" aparently jason was playing guitar and ikis was bobbing his head to the music, so cute.

itchy

im itchy for something new. lucky for me this is my last week working 7-4 sundays.
ive been diving head first into this derby stuff, reading blogs from roller girls, getting to know the fun, the ugly and the pain. some days i think i can do it, others i think it will kick my ass, then the whole time im thinking, well wait till it starts.

as of thursday im almost done paying for my computer. found out dad is gonna try to put me back on his insurance for my last year, saving me $120 a month.

tonight is inventory at walmart, so im there specifically to count.

august 6th- i meet jasons dad
august 8th- derby starts
august 14th- alices wedding
september 10-12-mini vacation to phili to see katatonia
september 13th- recovery day that ill probably end up working anyway

im also comming up on 3 years at walmart. i dont care how sad that is, it looks good on a resume. the longer you stay at a job, the more likely someone is gonna think "hey shes reliable and will stay with us" in fact, after working at kinney so long, when i got hired at walmart, they gave me a pay credit for each year ive been there, so i started out higher than alot of people.

so until my debt is paid, until i find a better job, hell, until this economy stops sucking so hard, ill stay at walmart, and bitch about it here ;)


funny thing- if i didnt have to pay rent or anything for one month, i could get rid of all i owe in one pay check. silly how it works. for now i just keep throwing $100-$200 every two weeks at the computer, then at my loan.

yay being an adult!

ACRD

oh stress, how you destroy my guts, my mind and my life
try yoga- it works- LIES
try meditation it works- LIES
try exercise....ok ill try


enter my new journey. joining the assault city roller girls. i start on the 8th, just got my paperwork and am HYPED


aside from the nervousness regarding money, ill be ok. i owe $468 on my computer still, which will go away fast. $200 needs to be paid on my loan by november, and i owe my vacation fund $83 for skates by september. (remembers i have an extra check in september so that will help, still im freaked out)

the nervousness comes because $100 needs to be paid for fresh meat training, then $40 a month for dues, and roller insurance


but it will be worth it. i got pads, skates, gotta find my helmet, and then after 3 months of fresh meat training, ill be a derby girl. this is my anti stress, and my manager is helping me by molding my schedule to fit the practice. hes being really cool about it.

i honestly think ive found my thing. everyone has a thing, i kinda had photography luck, but nothing ive ever been really proud of, this.....this is something that gets me excited.


more updates to come


~battlebots? ;)

ooo shiny

so here i sit, 90 degrees out, in my air conditioned room glued to my new computer.
yes people i have finally gotten rid of the 10 year old dell. id say we got my dads money worth of use out of it and then some.

but this new one, is shiny and new. giant screen. fast. in fact im running youtube, AIM, and blogger at the same time. if jason hadn't wiped my hard drive i would have my itunes running as well. but yea, he wiped the drive so he could use it, turns out he cant, and he neglected to put my music on a flash drive or anything. but he was all excited so i guess it dosent matter. ill just start the process of reloading everything onto my itunes tonight. he even agreed to find anything i didnt have and wanted.

as of today $200 is paid for. so....$568 left. (this is me keeping track since my note with all my info was on my old hard drive)

i bailed on warped tour. just couldnt swing it. i need the money to cover gas for my bufalo adventure in august. i realy only wanted to see bouncing souls and dillenger escape plan anyway.

coheed and cambria are playing the fair for free september 3rd so im over excited about that one. we saw them at the westcott theater recently and it was amazing fun as always. also blues traveler (lol) is playing for free. im probably grabbing a 6 day pass just because i know ill end up being dragged to the fair more than the two times i plan on.

my katatonia fund has been cut down to $500 and thats as far as its getting. after bufalo when i take out the last $40 ill need, im giving mom my bank card till september. keep in mind i KNOW i will not use $500 in 3 days, i just dont trust anything.

im also up to something, i cant really say what yet but once this whole computer is paid for, ill start posting more.

the house smells like cookies

crazy days filled with adventure, learning and cookie making! that is what summer is about.

tuesday lisas dad showed me how to fix my breaks. its easy. and was way less expensive than planed. so now i made him cookies, and will pick up some beer for him tomorrow so its not nasty when he gets it. also made cookies for fathers day, my dad will be happy.

wed nights we go to a comedy club for a free web cast radio show. its fucking amazing fun for free. we only buy a few sodas. that has been completing my days off, tuesday singers, wed wise guys for walk up radio. <<
tuesday we are going to ithaca, jason hates the idea of me forcing him to listen to type o the entire way but THERE IS NO OTHER WAY!

thats about all i have to say tonight. im tired and sleepy.

rants and relationship issues

again the issue of money comes up and yet again he refuses to see how this could all be avoided if he worked more. im already paying for the majority of the trip and hes bitching that we may have to turn it into only one night, not 2 because he wont be able to afford it. i pay bills, and rent, he does not. i can manage to pay for both tickets and city passes, and he can not even afford 2 nights at a cheap motel.

fucking lazy ass.

fuck summer, i want september to be here

summer is typically the most stress full time for me. and for the worst reasons.
i decide to have fun, so i spend a ton of money on concerts, and now with my car, i plot them further and further away. typical scenario is this-

website- "katatonia is playing the US"
me- NEED TO GO
jason- yea closest show is in phili, which is 5 hours away
me- WE NEED TO GO
jason- its gonna require either all night driving, or a hotel room, and 2 tanks of gas
me- WE NEED TO GO

so then i go to mom with a fist full of money to order tickets to said show, and almost always she finds either amazing seats or VIP something or other, it almost always costs me at least double what i plan, and yet i cant help myself. i need to be as close as i can, i cant just feel the music, i need to be in the music, i need to touch the band, i need them to know how much i love the lyrics and just how far ive traveled to see them. recently its been bands who speak little broken english, and im ok with this.

so instead of $17 for a ticket i find myself paying $45 plus fees for a signed poster, a hug, and a feeling of accomplishment.

add into this about $100 in gas, more money on food, and various other expenses that pop up and my summer is one big pbj fueled anxiety attack.

but its worth it.

the show i detailed above is on a whole different level from the shows i have done in the past few months and even mondays rochester trip. its hard to explain.

i fell in love with this band right around the time jason and i were really moving past that "2 months into a relationship omg this could be a real lasting relationship" thing, and when i told him i liked them his response was "yea good luck with that, they dont tour the US" so BAM instant thought of never gonna see them. same with NIN, i didnt think id ever see them, tickets sell too fast, i didnt have people to take me, that stuff.
then one day i got tickets to see NIN, 4 months in advance, and the wait was almost unbearable. yea, ive had these tickets for a month, and its not till september, and im feeling exactly like i did when i was waiting for NIN.
each day filed with listening to the music, and happy thoughts of a great show, and a few days in phili with my jerkasaur.


this is what i live for. and when all the anxiety over money hits, i will always have the happy times and they are worth it. one rockstar hug is worth working 32 hours a week and not sleeping when im nervous.

happy memories for sad occasions

on my second freak out, i got sent to florida to spend time with aunts and uncles. it was a different kind of trip, i did all sorts of fun things, stuff ill never forget, but due to recent endings, im posting a happy memory.

it was our day together, and you took me to a place with glass bottom boats, where they shot the tarzan movies. we saw turtles, and birds, and fish and everything else thats cool and fun. the whole time i watched you try to figure out how we could make a glass bottom boat to use at crane. we walked through the zoo area, you insisted on buying me something at the gift shop, so i got a shotglass with giraffes on it because there were no giraffes there, and i thought it was funny that they would represent themselves with one when they had none. we watched the bird show, and i watched you absorb all that was about the birds. i remember this day so vividly, i can smell the water, and hear you laugh at every little silly thing that happened.

im going to miss you, and i dont know any other way to express this, so heres my blog showing how important that day was to me.

forgot about this

ive been lazy. hours are back, and thus ive been filling my time with music of the live form. coheed and cambria were amazing SEAN YOU NEED TO CHECK THEM OUT!

its been nice out and ive been grilling, having friends over for beer and bbq.

jerkasaur and i took the dogs to green lakes and let freya play in the water and porter sniff all that could be sniffed and pee on all that could be peed on. it was fun, felt like happy.
jason and i also explored clark reservation searching for the caves.

skating through skan tomorow but it wont be the same with out my friends and a tater.

10 hours for broken english

this is the first time ive been able to sit down at the comp in a few days.
jason and i had to cancel our boston trip thanks to hour cuts but this PA trip was worth it.
driving to reading PA, 5 hours there, and 5 hours back, all in one day, for a bunch of bands from europe who speak broken english. yea it was a total adventure. we even got sonic on the way so more fun. we got stuck in traffic on the way there so we missed the meet and greet which sucked. BUT when the show started i noticed people in the audience who i didnt think would be there, mainly gunnar, kerri, and terji from tyr, and all of korpiklaani. i went to the bar, hung out with jason and nick then while on my way to the bathroom, ran into terji and told him how we drove 5 hours to see them. he hugged me and called me a sweet heart so yea, WIN!

tyrs set was incredible, jason shoved me to the front so i got to be close. korplikaani was insane. ive never seen anything like them, drunken folk metal, but nothing depressing, all bouncy happy fun, i couldnt stop smiling the entire time.

we got home at 6 am, i drove the entire time, it sucked but hannah wouldnt let us crash with her, so we had no choice realy, thanks to hour cuts i couldnt really afford the trip to begin with, much less a hotel room. it was ok though, when we got home jason and i passed out.

all in all a good trip.


on the work front im picking up hours when i can, ive been averaging over 20-25 so it wont be too bad.




that is the video for vodka by korpiklaani btw, see how fun they are!

stress filled relief?

oh new year. starting it off with major hour cuts at walmart, im down to 13 hours a week, from my normal 32. luckily i have about $450 saved and will be able to throw a good chunk of next check into that savings.
ive decided that since its only gonna last a month, i might as well take advantage of this. its snowy, and cold and so i get to stay snuggly in my bed watching cartoons and eating soup. the only slight worry i have is paying bills, but i have enough to cover a month and more of bills saved, and ill at least be getting $200 a check, so i should be ok. im not worried about food because my family wouldnt let me starve, mom has a bag of ham for me at home, and im gonna be there for 2 days for dinner and im sure ill get left overs.

its almost relieving to have time to just lay around instead of rush around. jason is helping me out, he filled my gas tank on new years eve and we have lots of no cost adventures planed. the last "expensive" adventure is our trip to see tyr in PA. nick and jason are helping with gas for that too so it shouldnt be bad. and i have $80 in change i have saved, i wont use all of it either, so ill have extra moneys with my saving.

i feel good. its good to know that if i need it my parents will help, but i dont want to need them. i can weather this storm.

also- i applied to a bunch of jobs at upstate so hopefully ill have stability soon.