i didnt want to go to work today, not that i ever realy do, but today, its been chilly, and that fall air is almost here, and my bed was so comfy, all layered with blankets from aunt wino and mom. its days like these that i find it hard to figure out if my wanting to stay in bed is because of the comfy or because of the down thats headed my way.
(ed loves me because i psycho analyze myself like this before reaching for help)
ive decided its a little of both, and this blog with the title broken thoughts, well, its just what this post is. one big broken thought.
i dont have ambition to go to the fair. its litteraly just down the street. last year i had the same money issues, rent and everything was more, but i got to the fair, this year its jasons money issues which have more and more latly gotten his mom to rant on me for it. i have done what i have tried so hard not to do, and mentaly taken up jasons issues as a burden on me. he cant afford it, so i cant.
(inner monologue kicks me in the head and i remember dur im bi polar)
I work, I have enough to cover my bills, rent and have a luxery phone.
I bust my ass 32-40 hours a week picking up extra days so i can play, so i shouldnt feel guilty about spending money on fried dough and wine slushies.
but i do.
because even when MY bills are paid for, his are not, and thus, im not allowed to have fun. my island of happy vacation thoughts in the middle of the sea of walmart customers has been ruined by tropical storm peg, a direct off shoot of hurricane jason. this does not please me, and actualy makes things with us worse, he just dosent know it yet. but i brave the storm, and save my money away, hoping one day soon ill be on a plane headed some place warm and happy.
only something bad happens and im on the side of the road, cell phone in hand, crying to mom, because i just paid her off for my ticket, and my tire, and ANOTHER tire has blown up. $100 now is owed, and soon $200 more as we continue to change tires on my amazing car. my bonus we were getting? i was hoping to buy myself something fun with? now goes to tires.
times like these, i ask, why get out of bed?
The big bore
1 day ago
1 comment:
KT, all I can say is such is life, sometimes she's a REAL bitch! Our tire issue cost us $500, and neither of us are working. That shit you have no control over and should try to not let it get you down, its going to happen, so let it. Now the other stuff, YOU have control, are the good and the bad balanced? If the bad is outweighing the good, communicate it, and if it doesn't even out then do what YOU need to do to get your life in balance.
You are not alone in feeling out of sorts, I have been too. I am looking into it, the fall equinox is approaching, and maybe that has something to do with it.
Fall air would feel nice. I was driving the non ac truck today it was close to 105!!!!
Go to the fair, alone or call your Mom, or my Mom, you might be sureprised how much fun you will have! Or go, call me and we can talk while you walk around and it will be like I am there with you!!!
KT, I love you and miss you!
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