AJJ

this video is one of my favorite bands ever, listen to the lyrics and try not to smile.

also em and josh- they are from phoenix and they always play near you guys

AJJ

this is video of one of my favorite bands ever. the lyrics of the first song make me happy and the last song is probably one of the most amusing things ive heard, the one in the middle is my walmart theme song. enjoy.

also em and josh- they are from phoenix and they always play near you guys

ad they might be giants stuck in my head all day

i didnt want to go to work today, not that i ever realy do, but today, its been chilly, and that fall air is almost here, and my bed was so comfy, all layered with blankets from aunt wino and mom. its days like these that i find it hard to figure out if my wanting to stay in bed is because of the comfy or because of the down thats headed my way.
(ed loves me because i psycho analyze myself like this before reaching for help)
ive decided its a little of both, and this blog with the title broken thoughts, well, its just what this post is. one big broken thought.

i dont have ambition to go to the fair. its litteraly just down the street. last year i had the same money issues, rent and everything was more, but i got to the fair, this year its jasons money issues which have more and more latly gotten his mom to rant on me for it. i have done what i have tried so hard not to do, and mentaly taken up jasons issues as a burden on me. he cant afford it, so i cant.

(inner monologue kicks me in the head and i remember dur im bi polar)

I work, I have enough to cover my bills, rent and have a luxery phone.
I bust my ass 32-40 hours a week picking up extra days so i can play, so i shouldnt feel guilty about spending money on fried dough and wine slushies.


but i do.

because even when MY bills are paid for, his are not, and thus, im not allowed to have fun. my island of happy vacation thoughts in the middle of the sea of walmart customers has been ruined by tropical storm peg, a direct off shoot of hurricane jason. this does not please me, and actualy makes things with us worse, he just dosent know it yet. but i brave the storm, and save my money away, hoping one day soon ill be on a plane headed some place warm and happy.

only something bad happens and im on the side of the road, cell phone in hand, crying to mom, because i just paid her off for my ticket, and my tire, and ANOTHER tire has blown up. $100 now is owed, and soon $200 more as we continue to change tires on my amazing car. my bonus we were getting? i was hoping to buy myself something fun with? now goes to tires.


times like these, i ask, why get out of bed?

realizations through sam

talking to sam again more often now, has recently brought some tough realizations.

i am not happy. if you were good for me, i would not be crying.

i give up so much for you, pay so much money, only to be treated this way? sam sees it and he tells me how it looks from his view point while we were at roji. im expected to cover the movie when its a strain for you to cover my tea? its a strain on you to think of anyone but yourself.

next fall if all goes right i will be heading to AZ to try school again, i am giving myself one semester to try, if it works, ill stay, but at least i can try, a change in scenery, away from all the people and distractions here, away from having to work full time while going to school, what it means for us? i dont think its anything good, but im no longer concerned about you, im focused on me.


for once in my life, im concerned about me.

if ever there was a time to throw up blood, this movie was it

g funk and i went to see inglorious bastards last night at midnight, AMAZING! so violent and funny that it seemed fitting for me to get a chrones attack while laughing, it hurt to laugh, then the nausea, then i ran, then i threw up blood, then i ran back to the theater, i missed like 10 min so i have an excuse to spend $10 more and see it again.

yay chronws!

from tv to the radio

so we moved, its all done, just waiting on a few deposits that i didnt know we got from various services. yay.

the house is nice, ray found me a king size bed which is almost new, came from a hotel converting smoking rooms to non, so a bottle of bleach and a bottle of febreeze and it was all good. my room is cozy, i like it, small enough with enough room, its me.
we have a nice kitchen, and enough kitchen stuff to make and serve a 6 course meal for 100.

now at the old place, the little kids in the back, when they would fight, nick and i called it the tv, here we have the radio.

the fuck tards upstairs bring these "thug" wanna bes over and its just funny, everything is "nigga this" "in da hood" that and they are being completly serious, oh and they are all under 18 so its even better.
the first week we were here while i was at darien lake they started a fight with about 20 kids and baseball bats, yea dad got the report and i laughed.

if they were litterate, they could write a book on getting evicted, because thats what they are up for.

all day and night its shit hip hop rap turned so loud we can hear it perfect in the house, and before we even leave our cars we can hear it, so nick and i have been blasting tyr and other random metal.

did i mention this house is pet free (dogs and cats) but they have 2 lab puppies? yea. fun when they bark, at least they are cute.

yay shit!