lizard king

sparky died the other day.

frustrated

i realy wish i knew what i wanted from life. this drifting thing is no fun. everyone is starting school and i feel like i should be too. maybe i should have kept that geo course, and found SOME way to pay for it. then i wouldnt feel like im wasting space and time. im gonna try to save so i can go next semester. people have been telling me not to worry too much because what college realy ends up teaching you is how to survive in the real world on your own and ive managed to do that on my own.
i got used to summer. the constant schedule of mon, tues, wed off and one of those nights always being jason time. always a sleep over. always the comfort of cuddles and good long talks and barrier breaking. it was good and ill miss the frequency of it. ill get used to it like i did last time.

i managed to hit the fair 5 days in a row. despite a hostage like situation due to people pissing me off and me shutting down completly emotionaly, it was fun. i got the pick from mr needles, and tommys drum stick as well as joan jetts set list.

what scared me was my lack of ambition to get anything signed when tommy and the bassist came out to sign stuff. this is how i know my head is broken again.



i spent the night/day vomiting. so much so that i called in. i hate calling in. but my head hurt too much.

something to look forward to

november 9th i will be in MA visiting jeremy and seeing NIN. finaly something happy.

you said you'd meet me

same band, different year, same situation. i love being ditched.

fuck

why no one thinks telling me about someone who was like a 2nd mom to me dieing is a good idea i dont know.



sometimes i wonder about my family.

echoplex wtf

i managed to escape my summer down with out going to AZ, however it was less fun. i pretty much stayed inside listening to smashing pumpkins and didnt make any plans to hang out with people other than jason. did make an attempt to go to dans going away party but didnt stay long. but i had to go, i love dan, im gonna miss the crap out of him. as much as occ sucked those 3 years i tried not to fail at, the people i spent time with, and actualy let into my little circle were the best people ive known. (not those people i just talk to for the sake of not being bored)

so now what am i doing? i have a day off, i should listen to that new NIN album that i was in a rush to buy, but no, i cant. after hearing some of the songs, i refuse to put it on my itunes. you cant make me, i dont wanna. trent needs to just go back to hiding for 5 years and doing massive ammounts of drugs. maybe then he will make an album that dosent sound like he just played with his comp and let aaron north write lyrics. also- get jeordie white back as a bassist. he was at least fun to look at, not this guy whos in the live line up now.

and yes, i plan on getting NIN tickets for november with this pay check.




as i end this i just wanna say GO MALL DIVE TEAM! yet another amazing event at the mall.

trying to get up

ive spent the past week in "down" where i dont want to see people, or do anything, i cry alot, i get angry and depressed easy.

ive managed to figure out what caused it but im not gonna post it here. some people know. others i dont want to know.

after a late night visit from ed, i think im starting to get out of this.
hitting up walmart soon to buy stuff with my gift card i got for setting up internet so with the food and other stuff we need here, im gonna get myself something cool.



thats about all i got. joan jett sat. huzzah

home?

we now have internet.

expect more from me soon. right now, im sleepy so im gonna go back to sleep.

and so it begins

new apartment stuff is mostly done. thanks to mom, aunt linda and jasons mom we have a kitchen and living room. its quite nice.

long time no blog i know, but we will have net tomorow, so far ive just been using mom and dads on sundays.

i slipped into a manic mode for about a week. i didnt sleep or eat. but it came at a good time. i managed to move my entire room bymyself.

just dreading the down, my heads eating itself a bit latly. but ill survive.



ive finaly gotten to the point where i feel odd sleeping here and more comfy at the apartment. i think i found home.


my guts still bleed, but they hurt less, so theres a tradeoff i guess. i think its stress.



did my 5 hr so now i get to set up my road test =)