the house smells like cookies

crazy days filled with adventure, learning and cookie making! that is what summer is about.

tuesday lisas dad showed me how to fix my breaks. its easy. and was way less expensive than planed. so now i made him cookies, and will pick up some beer for him tomorrow so its not nasty when he gets it. also made cookies for fathers day, my dad will be happy.

wed nights we go to a comedy club for a free web cast radio show. its fucking amazing fun for free. we only buy a few sodas. that has been completing my days off, tuesday singers, wed wise guys for walk up radio. <<
tuesday we are going to ithaca, jason hates the idea of me forcing him to listen to type o the entire way but THERE IS NO OTHER WAY!

thats about all i have to say tonight. im tired and sleepy.

rants and relationship issues

again the issue of money comes up and yet again he refuses to see how this could all be avoided if he worked more. im already paying for the majority of the trip and hes bitching that we may have to turn it into only one night, not 2 because he wont be able to afford it. i pay bills, and rent, he does not. i can manage to pay for both tickets and city passes, and he can not even afford 2 nights at a cheap motel.

fucking lazy ass.

fuck summer, i want september to be here

summer is typically the most stress full time for me. and for the worst reasons.
i decide to have fun, so i spend a ton of money on concerts, and now with my car, i plot them further and further away. typical scenario is this-

website- "katatonia is playing the US"
me- NEED TO GO
jason- yea closest show is in phili, which is 5 hours away
me- WE NEED TO GO
jason- its gonna require either all night driving, or a hotel room, and 2 tanks of gas
me- WE NEED TO GO

so then i go to mom with a fist full of money to order tickets to said show, and almost always she finds either amazing seats or VIP something or other, it almost always costs me at least double what i plan, and yet i cant help myself. i need to be as close as i can, i cant just feel the music, i need to be in the music, i need to touch the band, i need them to know how much i love the lyrics and just how far ive traveled to see them. recently its been bands who speak little broken english, and im ok with this.

so instead of $17 for a ticket i find myself paying $45 plus fees for a signed poster, a hug, and a feeling of accomplishment.

add into this about $100 in gas, more money on food, and various other expenses that pop up and my summer is one big pbj fueled anxiety attack.

but its worth it.

the show i detailed above is on a whole different level from the shows i have done in the past few months and even mondays rochester trip. its hard to explain.

i fell in love with this band right around the time jason and i were really moving past that "2 months into a relationship omg this could be a real lasting relationship" thing, and when i told him i liked them his response was "yea good luck with that, they dont tour the US" so BAM instant thought of never gonna see them. same with NIN, i didnt think id ever see them, tickets sell too fast, i didnt have people to take me, that stuff.
then one day i got tickets to see NIN, 4 months in advance, and the wait was almost unbearable. yea, ive had these tickets for a month, and its not till september, and im feeling exactly like i did when i was waiting for NIN.
each day filed with listening to the music, and happy thoughts of a great show, and a few days in phili with my jerkasaur.


this is what i live for. and when all the anxiety over money hits, i will always have the happy times and they are worth it. one rockstar hug is worth working 32 hours a week and not sleeping when im nervous.

happy memories for sad occasions

on my second freak out, i got sent to florida to spend time with aunts and uncles. it was a different kind of trip, i did all sorts of fun things, stuff ill never forget, but due to recent endings, im posting a happy memory.

it was our day together, and you took me to a place with glass bottom boats, where they shot the tarzan movies. we saw turtles, and birds, and fish and everything else thats cool and fun. the whole time i watched you try to figure out how we could make a glass bottom boat to use at crane. we walked through the zoo area, you insisted on buying me something at the gift shop, so i got a shotglass with giraffes on it because there were no giraffes there, and i thought it was funny that they would represent themselves with one when they had none. we watched the bird show, and i watched you absorb all that was about the birds. i remember this day so vividly, i can smell the water, and hear you laugh at every little silly thing that happened.

im going to miss you, and i dont know any other way to express this, so heres my blog showing how important that day was to me.

forgot about this

ive been lazy. hours are back, and thus ive been filling my time with music of the live form. coheed and cambria were amazing SEAN YOU NEED TO CHECK THEM OUT!

its been nice out and ive been grilling, having friends over for beer and bbq.

jerkasaur and i took the dogs to green lakes and let freya play in the water and porter sniff all that could be sniffed and pee on all that could be peed on. it was fun, felt like happy.
jason and i also explored clark reservation searching for the caves.

skating through skan tomorow but it wont be the same with out my friends and a tater.

10 hours for broken english

this is the first time ive been able to sit down at the comp in a few days.
jason and i had to cancel our boston trip thanks to hour cuts but this PA trip was worth it.
driving to reading PA, 5 hours there, and 5 hours back, all in one day, for a bunch of bands from europe who speak broken english. yea it was a total adventure. we even got sonic on the way so more fun. we got stuck in traffic on the way there so we missed the meet and greet which sucked. BUT when the show started i noticed people in the audience who i didnt think would be there, mainly gunnar, kerri, and terji from tyr, and all of korpiklaani. i went to the bar, hung out with jason and nick then while on my way to the bathroom, ran into terji and told him how we drove 5 hours to see them. he hugged me and called me a sweet heart so yea, WIN!

tyrs set was incredible, jason shoved me to the front so i got to be close. korplikaani was insane. ive never seen anything like them, drunken folk metal, but nothing depressing, all bouncy happy fun, i couldnt stop smiling the entire time.

we got home at 6 am, i drove the entire time, it sucked but hannah wouldnt let us crash with her, so we had no choice realy, thanks to hour cuts i couldnt really afford the trip to begin with, much less a hotel room. it was ok though, when we got home jason and i passed out.

all in all a good trip.


on the work front im picking up hours when i can, ive been averaging over 20-25 so it wont be too bad.




that is the video for vodka by korpiklaani btw, see how fun they are!

stress filled relief?

oh new year. starting it off with major hour cuts at walmart, im down to 13 hours a week, from my normal 32. luckily i have about $450 saved and will be able to throw a good chunk of next check into that savings.
ive decided that since its only gonna last a month, i might as well take advantage of this. its snowy, and cold and so i get to stay snuggly in my bed watching cartoons and eating soup. the only slight worry i have is paying bills, but i have enough to cover a month and more of bills saved, and ill at least be getting $200 a check, so i should be ok. im not worried about food because my family wouldnt let me starve, mom has a bag of ham for me at home, and im gonna be there for 2 days for dinner and im sure ill get left overs.

its almost relieving to have time to just lay around instead of rush around. jason is helping me out, he filled my gas tank on new years eve and we have lots of no cost adventures planed. the last "expensive" adventure is our trip to see tyr in PA. nick and jason are helping with gas for that too so it shouldnt be bad. and i have $80 in change i have saved, i wont use all of it either, so ill have extra moneys with my saving.

i feel good. its good to know that if i need it my parents will help, but i dont want to need them. i can weather this storm.

also- i applied to a bunch of jobs at upstate so hopefully ill have stability soon.